Rocky's Downtown

Your quintessential hole-in-the-wall. Billed as the 'oldest bar in Granite City that hasn't burned down yet'. Located in the maw of a steel city, this bar has the unique distinction of having scum-of-the-earth clientele coupled with the presence of the usually yuppie-associated NTN Trivia. High scores rarely top 10,000 points.

Homeless fun-seekers and talking-to-themselves winos provide endless free entertainment, therefore no bands blemish the weekends. The owners of this establishment apparently came to the conclusion that having dollar longneck specials three weekdays in a row would boost attendance. And boy howdy it did.

The barmaid that is usually on duty wears no bra. Normally this would be a good thing. Unfortunately you need to gaze at her navel to get a nipple shot through her shirt. Don't bother getting one of those 'Pucker' shots here. One night I had the misfortune of ordering a Grape Pucker shot. What arrived in front of me looked like watered-down cola with congealed blood floating around in it. When I asked what the hell was this, i was told, quote: "Well hell, honey. We ain't opened that bottle in three years." Yikes.

Common sights in this bar on any given night are toothless crack-whores, dudes walking off the street wanting to sell all these steaks and pork chops they obtained legitimately for '5 bucks, man...c'mon. 5 bucks, whassup?!' And I believe this is the only bar I've ever frequented where someone wanted to sell me a pair of vice grips (still in Ace Hardware package, legitimately obtained of course) for 3 bucks.

Of course I bought them.

Bottom line: If you like bar brawls, loud steelworkers, puddles of uring flowing freely in the parking lot, and toothless hags, go here.

Otherwise, don't go there

Total votes: 622


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